This is going to be short. We were sitting around here yesterday not doing much, when suddenly the doorbell rang. At the door was this kid High Intensity went to daycare with last year and her mother. Surprised, I invited them in, and, once in the hallway, the mother told me that their baby, one month old, died two weeks ago, suddenly, without any prior warning that something was wrong. While she was telling me this, Mr IQ, who had not been listening to our conversation, came over and dumped Baby Fangs into my arms, because he had just changed her diaper and needed to go wash his hands. ("I didn't know! Oh, God, I didn't know.") I stood there, dumbly, with my very much alive and healthy baby in my arms, thinking, "Oh, this is so terrible, so terrible..."

She came in and stayed for a while, had tea and cried on my sofa. Mr IQ took her daughter, H.I. and the baby upstairs and redeemed himself by keeping them up there all afternoon, feeding them pizza and painting their fingernails. What a nice guy. But at one point I had to feed the baby, and it was one of the most difficult things I have ever done in my life, knowing, because she had told me, that her breasts were leaking, and that she was currently pumping them twice a day to keep them producing milk. She said she was doing this to keep her baby somehow close to her, still a part of her life.

They buried her on one of those frigid -45 C days we were having a while back. She was in her snuggly, to keep her warm. Oh GOD, why does life have to be so damn bloody awful and hard sometimes?

Last month, I stumbled upon this blog site set up by a couple who are currently in the process of adopting a little boy from Russia. I followed it pretty closely last December, and, while sitting around here today feeling gloomy and depressed by how horrible everything can be, and so terribly, terribly sorry for that mother, I thought of them, and checked back in. (Let's face it, blogging is.... well, it's weird.) Anyway, it looks like they are gearing up for their final trip, the one that will have them flying back with their new kid, and I'm going to follow them all the way and cheer them on. It's a happy story, and I need to be reminded that life can be okay sometimes.