...it's supposed to be +4 C on Sunday, and so help me, I've got my bathing suit ready...
Oh yay. According to Mr. IQ, CBC radio ran a "Debunking All Them Winter Myths" series last week, and going for a half-naked jaunt down the street does NOT burn off calories at a faster rate than, say, walking in circles around the dining room table like the Bronte sisters used to do. Arghh. You know what this means, don't you, (she typed semi-hysterically), it means that it's official, there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING GOOD ABOUT LIVING IN THIS FROZEN HELLHOLE AT ALL. NOTHING, NADA, ZIPPO and if I stay here for one more winter, I'M GOING TO DIE.
So we're going to have to move.
The problem is selling the house. We'll need a good ad, of course, so I've been working on one.
Four bedroom house for sale. No, you CANNOT go into the basement. And get the hell away from that office! Auughgh, don't open the kitchen cupboards! That looked like it hurt. Say, check out those hardwood floors! And the cute ornamental fireplace!
Within pleasant walking distance of charming comfort women and cozy crack dens. Cheerful yellow DO NOT CROSS police ribbons add a colourful, festive feel to the neighbourhood.
Serious inquiries only.
I'll never get out of here.
Not only am I cold, but I appear to have developed yet another physical abnormality to add to my general feeling of malaise. No, I don't suddenly have a tiny penis growing out of my armpit, nor have I sprouted a third buttock. But on the weekend I discovered a tiny hair growing from the bottom of my left eyelid and poking straight into my eyeball like a needle. Holy crap, did it HURT. I performed the necessary operation with a pair of scissors and a quart of gin for company, but now I'm scared I'm destined for a lifetime of eyelid hair removal, in addition to my 'stache maintenance. Jeez, I didn't know old age would mean all this extra hairiness.
Hey! I went over to my parents for dinner tonight, and after the main course, my mom presented me with an assortment of delicious cheese. "Have you been to Superstore?" she asked, "they've got a lot of really good cheese sales on right now..."
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3 comments:
I must be going to the wrong Superstore. I looked, but couldn't find any of those amazing cheese sales you keep talking about.
Hmmm, that's a new one. Never heard of a hair growing out of the bottom of an eyelid, though my eyebrow hairs sometimes stray down onto my eyelids. I keep imagining my eyebrows and eyelashes meeting about the time I hit 60.
And I'm not even going to mention that "whisker" I have that grows surrepticiously along my jaw line until it reaches a couple of inches in length. At which point I totally freak and start wondering how many people saw it before I did.
I'm so glad we've had this time to share facial hair stories. :)
no,no,no,no,no,no....
thats not what I heard.
Some science magainze proved that if you golfed naked you burned more calories than when fully clothed.
So hang in there ( I suppose that wasn't quite the correct verb you wanted to hear.) and keep on shivering.
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