I'll be honest. I think Valentine's Day is stupid. What's more, I don't even think men and women should be allowed to live together, at least not to the point where familiarity starts breeding things (and I don't mean small children.) I'll probably change my mind again in a few days when I've calmed down, but unfortunately I was recently traumatized by an event that has burned a hole in my delicate and fragile psyche, and it has left me scarred people, absolutely scarred. It happened a few days ago, when I strolled innocently into the bathroom. There he was, That Guy... sitting on the pot, pants down around his ankles and (ugh, I can hardly write it) contentedly reading from a copy of.... Edith Sitwell's English Eccentrics. Stunned, I stared at him, and he stared at me. Red Alert! Red Alert! my brain screamed, nothing good here, get away, get away! Slowly I backed off as one would from a rabid dog or a knife-wielding Crazy Man with underpants on his head. Five minutes later the bathroom door opened and he silently emerged and disappeared into the office. We haven't spoken of it since. But both of us know things have irrevocably changed, and we can never go back.
I know you may be thinking, "English Eccentrics? What's the big deal?" I can't really explain, and that's just the thing: You'd have to live with him for a while to truly understand. I'll simply try to summarize my unhappy feelings by saying, jeez.. couldn't he have been sitting there with a copy of Playboy or Naughty Schoolgirl Hussies or something more... NORMAL?? **sigh** It's just so.... weird.
Actually, my antipathy towards the Day o' Love may well have deep-seated genetic origins, and the reason I say this is because I suspect old High Intensity may have inherited them. Precious angel! She sat at the dining room table tonight, all innocence and sweetness, making her Valentine's Day cards for her classmates and shouting things like, "Ronald! I HATE Ronald! Why do I have to make a card for RONALD?!" The affection I felt for her as she spouted off stuff like that knew no bounds. I don't know, something about a misanthropic four-year-old just warms the cockles of your heart.
Okay, now you're all shocked. Look, from what she's told me, Ronald IS a jerk. Anyway, here's the card she made for him. Great, isn't it? Look out, Hallmark, that's all I can say.
Happy Valentine's Day, all you lovers.
8 comments:
Okay, I don't even know your daughter. Wouldn't be able to pick her out of a lineup. And yet, I have a tiny crush on her right now. Her AND her ohsofriendly Valentine.
LOVE the card.
Marcel rolled over in bed this morning and said "Happy Valentine's Day." Without even turning toward him, I grunted "same to you." And he said "so, I guess that's it then?" and I said "yup, that's it. 'Til next year."
Valentine's Day is against my and my husband's religion.
Is your daughter for hire? I'm sure you could make a small killing off of her creative, gut-wrenchingly honest (and yet somehow still incredibly sweet) Valentine's cards.
Love that card! High Intensity has it right. Valentine's Day should be a day for telling people what you really think of them, whether you love them or not. Maybe we should rename it "Honesty Day."
Now that I think about it, High Intensity has remarkably good facial-drawing skills for a four year old. Maybe she'll grow up to be a temperamental artist or something.
From one lovely scrooge to another...
Valentines Day is just an opportunity for retailers to guilt consumers into buying something they don't want or need. Ugh.
I think Jim Carrey's character in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind put it best- "Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap."
I loved the card! If it were sold I would buy it.
I am all about the Bah humbug of Valentines Day. As a single person I always felt like it was like putting a big black mark on me on February 14th. The tsk tsk poor Sheri doesn't have a valentine.
Now Jonathan and I think it's a waste...if we want to go out we can do it any day we want we don't need Hallmark to tell us that it has to be Feb. 14th.
I'm with Krista, it's against my religion.
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